An Open Letter to Freshmen About Homecoming

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An Open Letter to Freshmen About Homecoming

Derek Burtch

Derek Burtch

Derek Burtch

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Dear Freshman,

We applaud you for getting this far into your high school career and now the time has come for you to attend your first high school homecoming! Oh sweet, sweet, frosh, homecoming is supposed to be the most magical night ever, right? Wrong. If you were expecting to dance the night away with your future high school sweetheart or if you think your hairdo that you spent hours on will stay in its perfect spot, well honey, I’m sorry to inform you that that will NOT happen (Maybe it will, we don’t know).                                                                   

I know you dream about that spotlight on you and your crush in the middle of the dance floor, but the only spotlight that will be on you is the chaperone’s flashlight as you gyrate your midsection uncomfortably close to another unfamiliar face. Or possibly you dream of that one soft touch sparking a long relationship, but you’re going to get a whole lot more than a soft touch. I mean if sweat dripping off the walls, the windows and pooling on the floor is your idea of magical, then I guess you will be fine. But to all the dreamers: prepare for a wild ride filled with sweat, stress and more sweat.

Sweat is the driving force behind many unexplainable events at homecoming as one upperclassman put it best, “I was super sweaty so I took out one of my sticky boobs and threw it into the crowd.”

Fortunately, another student gave valuable information that he found the same sticky boob on the ground. Just remember, if you see any unknown objects laying on the gym floor during homecoming, DO NOT PICK IT UP.

But if you decide to disregard all of our warnings, a rather painful result will be waiting for you at the end of the night. Just like it did for these upperclassmen:

“I saw a kid try to do a backflip and land on his stomach.”

“I tore my meniscus.”

“I slipped on the sweat on the ground and fell on my face.”

“I stepped on a corsage pin with my bare feet.”

“I got slapped in the face.”

Although our warnings of homecoming may inflict some fear into all you freshman, please don’t expect the worse. It might not be the night you meet the love of your life, but regardless, it will be an amazing night filled with great friends and unforgettable memories.

Yours Truly,

Your Corrupted Classmates

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